I Like Big Boggle And I Cannot...

Wanna feel like an idiot? Play Big Boggle with my husband. I'm not used to losing word games, so being beaten by nearly 100 points? Heartbreaking. Truly. One thing I am not is a sore loser (trust me, I've played with sore losers before...) but MAN. This had me sulking. And demanding a rematch. Until the beatings were so fast and furious I may have said I would never play again. Sigh... At one point it felt as if we were playing with completely separate game boards. His loaded to win, mine not so much. I think my mind is turning to mush with the word-things in my old age.

Or I should have married someone more dumb. Clearly, THAT'S it. How many points is "worthless degree"?


(big girl, mika)

Not The Family Friendly Shot We Were Looking For

Our hospital faces a fairly major road. On the other side of that road is the grocery store I most frequent, next to which is an ice cream shop. The other night, we decided to use some free ice cream coupons and it put us at the shop right at dusk. As we were leaving the parking lot, waiting to turn right, I glanced over at the hospital, the women and children's center facing us. I noticed lights ablaze in a fairly low to the ground room and people. A few people, in fact. And once I looked a little closer, I realized what I was seeing. There was a woman in labor and the unmistakable shot of her partner holding onto a leg while pushing it toward her head, helping to push. And while I could only SEE the partner and the laboring mom's leg (and...sister? friend?) cheering her on, I instantly turned away. I felt so intrusive, even though I was across the street, in my car, clutching my chocolate devotion.

Now, I realize that closing the curtain wasn't high on their list, but I'm thinking that maybe a nurse could have seen the closing in darkness and turned the wrist quickly? Maybe we just caught them on that one second between light and dark that it was open. I don't know. But MAN! It was quite the conversation starter. Which was fueled by Isaac quipping that maybe we could call and let them know we had a great birth video for them, should they want...


(james morrison, you give me something)

New Year. New Word.

As 2011 is neatly wrapped up and I'm taking final note of my journey in simplicity, I've been prompted...nay, hit over the head, my word for 2012. And it scares me to my core because I'm.Not.Ready.For.It.

It's this. Fear Less. Yes. Technically two words, but can combine to mean even more. This is the year I stop fearing what comes next. It's truly amazing how much of a life I've carved in fear. How much I've maneuvered my life in fear. Fear of the future, of what every little things means, if people like me or not, if I'm doing the right things in my marriage, in parenting, in friendship, in life. And I'm exhausted. I've had so much go on this past year with my body SCREAMING for me to give in and let go and I need to listen. I need to breathe. I need to be fearless and fear less and truly walk this slower path we've carved.

And as always, I have specific goals for this, but have no illusion that it will be the actual journey I take. What I would like to do is this. First, get the entirety of our food storage / emergency preparedness done (12 months to the end of the world people - hee!). That includes fixing our kitchen shelves, redoing Isaac's office closet into more food storage shelves and finding something for under our dining room window. Kind of like this, but more room and with doors. We also need to find a rack for our water barrels and add a couple more while we're at it. I've created a pinterest board just for this and I need to utilize it often. In addition, I want to continue with our financial goals. They are lofty, but doable and feeds in to this fearing less through preparation segment.

The next part is all about believing - that I'm a great writer. That I'm a good mom. That I'm HEALTHY. I need to believe what is true and stop doubting. I hear that OCD is often called the doubting disease and for me, it's really true. I'm tired of doubting. Of second guessing. Of jumping. It needs to stop. I've always doubted. I've always held back, been cautious. But instead of getting better with age, I keep holding back, being cautious. Instead, I want to fully invest in life. I want to be fully present and not second guess. I want to embrace life. I want to tackle my issues and deepen my relationships and live. I am a writer. I am a wife and mother. I am healthy. I am richly blessed. I am loved. I know all of this, but I am scared to let go of the fear. I've lived with a deeply, DEEPLY held belief that if life is TOO good, if you are TOO happy, something bad will happen to temper it. And I've been holding my breath for the next bad thing my entire adult life. Isaac flat out challenged me on that a few weeks ago and any shaky argument I once held for it? I couldn't anymore. It's time. I know it is. I'm way too exhausted and this new path is the only way to rest. Scared little girl or no. Because I hate change. And while I don't feel anything big on the horizon, I know this journey isn't going to be easy. Last year's changes weren't easy, either, but these I'm facing head on instead of having them sneak up as before. So. Here we go.

Happy New Year, everyone.


(overcome, better than ezra)