And with that? My Christmas is done. Yay! I finished shopping yesterday. Presents that need to go out of town will be mailed tomorrow, cards on Monday. Isaac and Sammy are both done and will be wrapped shortly. If anything, this harsh turn to winter has provided a boost to get it done quickly so I can enjoy the rest of the holidays. I love that.
We decorated Monday night and Sammy's head exploded with every Christmas decor box we opened. Oh, holy COW he was excited. Put on the decorations! Put on the lights! Put out the advent calendar train! This! This! This! This! This! Oy to the world, indeed, No Doubt...I was completely reminded why there is a saying about "a little kid at Christmas"! He has been having way too much fun with the train around the tree and pulling out Christmas book after Christmas book for me to read. (those would be my mother in law's coconut m&m's under the tree...)
(our basket of Christmas books and jingle bells...we try to buy a new book every year. This year's addition is Merry Christmas Splat the Cat)
(I found some navy ornaments...I like them, but I definitely like the matte ones more than the glitter ones. However, I love my new ornament hangers the best. They have jingle bells on them!)
Sammy's take on the nativity, complete with an IKEA train set, of course...apparently they are waiting for the 9:15 to Bethlehem.
I've always been the one to fall asleep first, no matter where I was. I would be the one, at college, retreating to my room long before others. Which meant that I was the one up by 8 am on Saturday morning, grocery shopping and homework done before my roommates would wake.
Lately, I've really started appreciating this. Call it my advanced age (hee!) or just more of settling into who I am, but I love it. Sammy goes to bed around 7 or 7:30 every night. Because of this, Isaac and I get several hours to ourselves until we finally go to bed, usually around 10ish. Everyone is up by 6:30 (Isaac usually earlier) and my house is clean for the day and everything ready to go by 11 at the LATEST. Every morning.
There has been grumbling about the time change since there have been time changes. And I'm not a huge fan of it, either. I wish we would just pick one and stay on it. But this winter change is a little tougher. Not because it's dark when I get up, because I really do love that, but because I have a 4 year old who doesn't GET TIME. So our perfectly laid out schedule goes out the window for about a week as we try to massage things back into place. And I really do hate that. I wish I could convince him that there WAS a change and it represents more time to shutter ourselves in from the world and indulge in my hermit fantasy instead of dealing with a cranky little boy fighting everything he normally would not.
But schedules return and this dark, to be honest, somewhere, it lets me feel like I'm still that girl who goes to sleep first and gets up first and has the day to look forward to while everyone else sleeps it away. I guess that is worth the toddler fight for a week, now that it's all over. Of course, we'll just have to do it all again in the spring...
No matter how you count it, it's been a year since we've been in this house. A year. It seems much, much longer and is insane to think of everything we've gone through this past year.
It's funny (not really 'haha' funny...) to remember the crazy that was the holidays last year. The stress the new year brought. The happiness that being able to actually support this crazy venture until the other house sold brought. The plans, the rough start of loving this house and the intense missing the old house. It has been SUCH a roller coaster year.
I love where we are. Now. It was a good move. I wondered how long it would take to get to this point, but assumed it would take longer. I'm looking forward to next spring, working on the yard. I'm looking forward to the rest of Sammy's firsts happening here. Creating more memories here, welcoming friends and family. It was a good move. Isaac was right. This is a good house to raise our family in. This is a good house to come home to. This is a good house. It was a good move.
So...happy anniversary Penelope. Here's to many more years of you welcoming us home.
No, really. I do. And not in the "friend" kind of way. A real, live, breathing friend. We aren't great friends, but super good acquaintances bordering on friends and only see one another from time to time. But when we do, it's during the day with our kids. And here's the rub. She is NOT good with Sammy. In fact, she is the complete opposite of good with Sammy. If he tries to talk to her (which he does often) she will completely ignore him. He can follow her around saying, "you know, you know, you know, you know...?" and...um...nothing.
I'm not good with kids. Not a kid person even REMOTELY. Other people's kids? Eh. I don't love them. So for me to notice, I feel it's a B-I-G D-E-A-L. Because even though I am not a kid person? Even I know you don't ignore a four year old who is excited to talk to you. You suck it up, be the adult and act interested. You do NOT be the one to burst the happy everyone is my friend toddler bubble. But yet, she does. Every time I see her.
This annoys me for several reasons. The most glaring is that she is hurting my kid. I realize that I am his mother, and I SHOULD be biased, but it's really hard to ignore my kid. He's very personable. People just gravitate to him and genuinely love him. It's hard for him to have someone ignore him outright. Another aspect is her kids. Her kids are "wonderful" and "adorable" and very "look at me" - can seriously do no wrong and everyone should stop and look and see what they are doing right now. It would be ridiculous to even think that someone would treat her kids as she's treating Sammy.
Like I said, this isn't exactly a best friendship, here. We don't see each other very often, but this isn't a relationship I'm eager to get rid of for a few reasons I can't really get into. And I know that Sammy will be going to school next year and then the issue is even less, but...I admit that this has colored things a little. I feel badly every time I see her and my opinion of her falters. I'm a little out of it on this one and don't know how to maneuver it. When he's trying to talk to her and can't get an answer, I will say things to Sammy, trying to smooth it over with him while simultaneously trying to throw a hint in her direction. But other than that? I'm truly at a loss.
I was talking to some friends a couple of weeks about this, just to make sure I wasn't overreacting (as I'm wont to do...) and they both agreed. It's weird. So. It's weird. Right? Or am I missing something? Is she just oblivious to anything that isn't hers?
It takes a lot to leave me speechless. A LOT. But now? Right now? I'm completely flabbergasted. Gobsmacked. I've dealt with delusion before. I know what delusion is. I know what it looks like. I know that NO MATTER what you say, it will never change the delusional perceived reality. I KNOW that. And yet? Being the target of this delusion always stings.
I wrote about a situation last summer here and when I wrote that, I felt I needed to. Get it off my chest. Feed it into the abyss and be done with it. But...even though I was done with it, doesn't mean the deluded was. So now, because it's on my mind (unfortunately), and I once again need to purge and release, you get the rest of the story...
The entire situation started when it became necessary to kick a girl out of our book club in July. She was making some members uncomfortable with her inappropriate comments. To the point they were thinking of avoiding book club. I knew it would be difficult for her and I tried to come up with a solution, but when none presented itself, I turned to plan B: to find the best way possible to help her move along without creating any more pain than necessary. Once it all came out, she wanted to talk. I was happy to talk, if it helped her sort through and get over it. I told her the whys, albeit the tamed down whys. I didn't feel it was necessary to make it overly harsh, so I told her that she made others uncomfortable (true) and that the fit wasn't good, personality wise (also true). I didn't give specifics, trying to spare her feelings, but after several back and forth messages, I *thought* she understood, at least a little. We left it, while not best friendy, at least civilly. An understanding seemingly had been reached, even though I knew she was still upset, I thought we left it at a point she could move on. I was clearly wrong.
Imagine my surprise this weekend when I was alerted to her blog...a ranty rant of a blog all about me being a bully (which, what?) and kicking her out of book club for being poor (which, what?). Enter my flabergastation (which TOTALLY should be a word...wait, is it a word?). I was so upset by it all. I was completely confused and didn't really know what to do. IF I should do anything. I showed it to Isaac, mouth agape. I closed it and walked away for the night. I needed to process. The next morning, my sister had commented (a pretty great comment, actually) and the girl had sworn at her, called her a not so nice name and just turned nasty toward her. For telling her her rant was untrue. I started composing a reply, but wouldn't hit send. I wanted to massage it into perfection. I touched base with my niece, her friend, and she confirmed that this behavior is atypical of when she knew her in college. That something had to have happened in the ensuing years to bring her to this point. A couple of hours later, I got a text from my sister in law. She saw the post and wanted to touch base. Let me know she made a comment and then noticed the post had been pulled almost immediately after. It was nice to have people rally around me, validate what had actually happened, completely independently of me. And I was mostly glad that I never followed through with hitting send. Even though my reply was civil and crafted to nicely and calmly defend myself, it wouldn't have made any difference. It would have been fuel for the 'every one hates me' pity party she is throwing. And if she thought me telling her she couldn't go back to book club was being a bully (again, what?), I would hate to think what a reply would make me. A terrorist? That seems to be the line her thinking is taking. I'm sure having people defend me without my knowledge on her blog irritated her enough, she didn't need a comment from me. So I decided I'm just going to let it be. Purge it. Again. And then let it go. I can't control what other people perceive. I can't control others bad behavior, even when it concerns me. I need to let it go. Let it be. Control what I can control and live. (And, most likely, regret hitting publish on this as well...)
So it all ended (in my mind, at least...again.) with me feeling, not upset or victimized, but very sorry for her. After I hit post, I'll move on and forget about this. I wasn't brought to tears or hurt, for long. My feelings, while stung, aren't that fragile. Especially over something this juvenile. And she must be a very broken woman to have so much rage and anger over something that should have been small; to create made up excuses as to why she was asked to leave instead of facing up to the truth: that her paranoid rants were inappropriate and uncomfortable and that sometimes? People just do not gel. Period. It's not nefarious. It's not a conspiracy. It's definitely not something to do with superficial appearances or socio-economic status. People sometimes don't gel. But as I said then, I understand how much easier it is to blame others instead of having to face any internal flaws. Even if it means finding a scapegoat and slandering her in a public forum. It ultimately doesn't hurt me, but I think it does deserve my sympathy. If my niece is right and this isn't typical behavior of her, I hope she figures it out. Soon. And gets better. Because I don't wish anyone to live with that type of hurt and pain. I know what it can do and no one should go through that.
