I wonder if you can ever see yourself the way others perceive you? For example, I think I talk too much, am loud, opinionated to a fault, faux strong (I like to appear strong, but I'm really a wuss on nearly everything) and stubborn (don't I sound fun?)for starters. I know for a fact that some of these things are true, some can be true and some not so much. I like to think that I present myself the same way as I HOPE I really am: caring, compassionate, tolerant (above all, tolerant! I think that needs to be our family motto. If we did that sort of thing...), nice, strong and independent, intelligent; but I don't know that I do.
I apologized today (a weakness - I apologize for everything, it seems) for stating my opinion a little too harshly. I always want to fix things; especially if it's something I did. I didn't want to come across as overbearing or intolerant or railroading, which is a trait I hate, so I apologized and was immediately told that they saw none of the things in me that I perceived in myself. I was called "very reasonable" when stating my opinions. It's a quality that I had hoped was in me somewhere, but I couldn't ever imagine being called that since from my vantage point I wasn't being reasonable at all.
Why can't we see what others see? Are we doomed to think the worst of ourselves and not see our good points? Is that a way to preserve some sense of humility? If I only see a loud, opinionated, non-listener, how does that affect relationships? And once you get these nuggets of insight, what can you do about it?
It's so interesting to learn what others see in you. Unfortunately, I don't think it's something you can press out of them on a regular enough basis to satisfy the deep "really? they like me?" insecurity that seems to waft into life far too often. Or maybe if I knew how people really saw me, it would be altogether worse than what I already imagine...
